What Great Dog Training and Dating Have in Common
Hi love,
Say hi to Leela! She’s 7 months old now, I can’t believe it.
She has been such a magical gift in my life. She’s my first dog EVER (I don’t know how I ever lived without a dog) but it’s been really powerful for me because I never would have made this connection before.
Healthy dating is like dog training.
Since I didn’t know anything about dogs/dog training, of course, what did I do? I bought books. I watched YouTube videos. I made an effort to LEARN about dogs and training.
You all know my MAIN MESSAGE about relationships is that we DO NOT learn anything about them and then we expect to know how to do it WELL!
I learned a LOT and I spent a LOT of time with Leela (and continue to!) and she’s a GREAT dog. I get compliments all the time on the trails and when people come to our house.
I found myself saying this to a client the other day and needed to share it with you – how dating is like dog training.
You REWARD good behavior.
You DO NOT punish your dog.
Because that DOESNT EFFING WORK.
It doesn’t work with a dog, and it doesn’t work with a human.
We have a culture of a reward/punishment system because this is what most of us grew up with. Be a “good girl” and don’t be a “bad girl.” When I was in 3rd grade we had this little system of push pins. If you were “bad” a pin was taken away. If you were good, they stayed. At the end of the day, it was then noted whether or not you still had your pins up on the board and the people who were “bad” were then pointed out.
Can you believe this?! No wonder we all have this weird mindset about ourselves!
So first, take notice if you’ve been “punishing” men when dating?
Now notice how that feels?
Most likely shitty.
Take note – does it work? Do you get what you want by punishing? I am FOR SURE you don’t.
With a dog you reward the good behavior. You don’t punish them. You guide them to what you want them to do and then reward with treats!
If Leela isn’t doing what I want her to do, I don’t freak out and throw a tantrum and stomp my feet.
If she is, I reward her with treats or sometimes just praise! With my love and enthusiasm.
What’s your “reward” in dating?
Your enthusiasm. Your warmth. Your appreciation. Your attention.
If someone isn’t showing up for you respectfully or responding to you or pursuing you or leading you somewhere – NO. BIG. DEAL.
(New mantra, try it on)
Recognize when you go to PUNISH.
FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR THIS.
This is an old behavior you were set up to do through our culture.
KNOW it doesn’t work. This is how you can choose differently.
REWARD good behavior from guys you are dating with your time and attention. Don’t give your time and attention to someone who isn’t showing up for you!
Because of course YOU ARE THE PRIZE.
Stay tuned for more on why we punish but for now, I wanted you to have this.
PRACTICE:
*Stop judging people
*Stop labeling men as anything
*Do not judge, REWARD good behavior
*LET GO of people who don’t show up
No
Big
Deal
He doesn’t want me? No big deal.
He didn’t respond? No big deal.
He ghosted? No big deal.
He doesn’t align with me? No big deal.
That’s spiritual transformation.
That’s the practice of Love.
What do you think?!
This is just ONE practice of SO MANY that create extraordinary love.
Like I did for the dog, epic relationship is something we LEARN how to do.
The great news is the information is out there!
The RESEARCH has been done!
It is SO POSSIBLE for you to heal.
It does take YOUR effort and intention.
I have spaces for 2 new 1:1 clients.
This is a MAGICAL time for love (summertime!) and we are halfway through the year.
Are you getting the results you want?
How long are you going to keep trying on your OWN?
You don’t have to.
I know I can help you and I want to.
If you’re ready, click here to send me an email and let’s talk!
Love,