Love Letter: The 4 Stages of Relationship  (2/23/22)

There is a big difference between just wanting dating advice and wanting transformation. I believe relationships offer us the opportunity for transformation when we say yes to growing, evolving, and learning from each one.

Your midweek mantra is, “I say YES to all that I learn through my relationships and take in the lessons each one offers me.” ✨

There are four stages to a relationship: attraction, romance, conflict, commitment. 

This is so important to understand because so many people make a commitment way too fast, without allowing for the stages and phases that it takes to journey to commitment. 

When commitment is made too soon, there is a false sense of security. Without going through the phases a relationship can’t deepen and it’s not on solid ground. 

Of course, every relationship begins with initial attraction and interest; that’s the reason we reach out to people on the app or ask someone out in real life or want to go on a second date. 

The romance phase is where so many people ASSUME this is the commitment phase, but it’s really the romance and infatuation phase. The phase where we are blissfully open, available, seeing the best in our partner and ourselves, and everything seems to happen effortlessly. 

Everyone is happy to be generous in this phase, to overlook faults and flaws, and for many, unwilling to rock the boat, and the assumption is made that it will always be this way. 

The conflict phase is also known as the “power struggle,” but really, it’s the phase where couples will either deepen or not, choose to bring their love with intention or not. This is where everything stops being so effortless, and choice has to be made about bringing ourselves generously, lovingly, assertively, and respectfully regardless of how we feel. 

The conflict phase doesn’t mean you’re fighting or even arguing. It’s the evolution of bringing more of your real self forward and the ones that are willing to rock the boat, the ones that are willing to be authentic, the ones that are willing to name what’s true, what’s needed, what’s important to each of them is how the next phase happens.

There isn’t a “timeline” for the above, so watch out if your mind is doing that – but it’s a bit more than a couple of weeks, my friend. 

We so easily let go in the beginning, of the things that bring us joy and it’s the things that we were committed to BEFORE meeting our true love partner that sustains a great relationship. 

Our self-care, our own self-commitment to our happiness and well-being that needs to stay in practice no matter what. 

The commitment can then happen consciously, with solid ground beneath you. The commitment asks our ego mind to step aside because we decide how we wish to bring ourselves forward and what we want to create with this person. 

The commitment then happens clearly because you know who you two are together, rather than a projection or fantasy or hope or wish. 

Love is not a feeling; it’s a verb. 

Love is also a call to our deepest truth and a call to our fullest selves to bring all of who we are to our lives and relationships, over and over again. ❤️‍🔥

A healthy commitment deepens us, strengthens us, and allows us to become MORE of who we are. A commitment made from fear, desperation, neediness, or abandonment wounds will not allow us to grow. The work to heal is always worth it. 

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, “Are you truly open to Love?.” In this episode, we illuminate all the ways women’s hearts are closed to love, even when they think they’re open. They also share the most important tools for dating and relationships to navigate challenges and still keep your heart fully open to love. 

I love you,