Love Letter: The love lesson we all need to learn (3/22/23)
Happy Wednesday! I hope you are having a good week. As I write this love letter and look at my week ahead, I’m feeling so grateful to be working with some incredible women in 1:1 coaching containers right now. I love supporting women in developing a strong sense of self, healing childhood wounds, and learning how to be the truest expression of themselves in their life and relationships.
Today’s love letter topic is such a fundamental one for healthy relationships: the love lesson we all need to learn is that it’s no one’s job to make us happy.
I spent YEARS chasing love (remember my on and off again relationship that lasted 3 years?) and telling myself, “if only” this person would change / choose me / love me, then I would be happy.
The drive to search for happiness outside of ourselves starts at a young age, especially for girls. We are convinced every day on social media “if only” XYZ, then we would be happy, comparing our lives to other people.
The truth is, I found happiness and my worth only when I decided to prioritize what actually mattered to me and learn how to express myself authentically. Every decision I made leading up to meeting Andrew was in service to follow my soul and truth. The decisions I make now (especially as a parent!) are about that too. It’s also important not to make our children responsible for our happiness any more than a partner.
The wisdom I want to share with you is: the right person for you WANTS to support your happiness, not be responsible for it. They will also contribute to your happiness and support you in your pain.
We must do the healing work that helps us be with all of our feelings AND align our actions with the things that help us feel good so we can move through the world full and whole. My biggest wish for parenthood has been to be a joyful mother because I didn’t grow up witnessing a woman who was happy.
Your midweek mantra is, “I am responsible for my well-being and happiness. I release anyone and everyone from that responsibility so I can more thoroughly enjoy my relationships.”✨
A relationship is a partnership, but you can’t be a partner if you’re not taking responsibility for yourself.
Ready for a truth bomb? All toxic relationships are rooted in seeking relief.
Toxic relationships are about using another person to find relief from our self-hatred, self-doubt, heartbreak, or childhood wounds. Essentially, we’re using another person for comfort because life is hard.
Nothing transforms a relationship more than each person taking responsibility for how they feel. This doesn’t mean that we can’t lean on our partners because we must be able to do that too. It means we don’t expect our partner to be responsible for our feelings.
We must know how to source from within and tend to our hearts and well-being in our lives outside of the relationship to bring fullness to our partners. This is the work of growing up 🙂
Grown-up love is:
❤️🔥 responsible love
❤️🔥 caring love
❤️🔥 passionate love
❤️🔥 and most of all, purposeful love
Grown-up love means we are intentional with our thoughts, feelings, and behavior in our partnership. It also means we are intentional with how we spend our time and how we bring ourselves to our partners.
Choose to do the difficult work of healing so that you free yourself to enjoy relationships with others rather than seeking relief.
All of my work supports you in healing your heart and growing in love. 🌱
I want you to know that it is possible to have the kind of relationship you dream of, and it’s possible when you become the kind of person who can create it. My signature dating program, Open to Love, helps you do exactly that.
Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, “The Truth About Wanting to Be Chosen.” We unpack the psychology behind the deep desire for women to feel “chosen” and how to break free from this perspective that actually keeps women disempowered in dating and relationships.
I love you,
