Love Letter: There’s No Such Thing as “Potential” in Dating (10/18/23)

I have spent well over a decade now studying relationships. I am obsessed with it. I became obsessed with my own journey because I refused to believe I was “unlucky” in love and refused to believe I would be “stuck,” repeating the same pattern over and over again. 

Knowledge is power. We ALL can learn how relationships work! Self-knowledge is the magic that takes us out of stuck/hopelessness/despair in dating and relationships and allows us to step into action and choices to actually create what we want.

It doesn’t mean it’s easy!

One of the biggest patterns I see (and one I fell into often) is “dating potential.” Women who think they can save, rescue, and fix a man to be able to show up for them. Love is not hoping and wishing someone will change for you. Love is accepting someone for who they are. 

Your midweek mantra is, “I deeply and completely love and accept myself. It is courageous to accept myself and others as they are.” ✨

Every human being on the planet indeed holds the possibility of wholeness and truth. 

It’s true that most of us live in half-hearted versions of ourselves, and it takes tremendous courage to be willing to align with truth and make decisions that support our authentic fulfillment. 

When it comes to dating, however, there is no such thing as “potential.” 

The energy of “potential” is projection – like a camera on a blank screen – I project the image of who I want you to be/need you to be FOR ME – and deny who you are. 

This looked like forcing, pushing, and convincing someone to be more available to me (when they were not) or thinking personal development workshops would “fix” us together rather than embracing the man in front of me. 

The greatest healing of my life was letting go of my ex (don’t get me wrong, it was also the hardest thing I ever did), but it showed me that I didn’t love the man that he WAS, nor did I love the WOMAN I was. 

The energy of “potential” also forces something to work when it doesn’t. 

When you love and accept yourself, you stop looking for potential. 

You own who you are and then align with someone else who owns who THEY are, and together, you decide what you want to create for your future. 

You are not your partner’s therapist or coach. 

In healing relationships, you are allies – but each person has to have the willingness and desire to self-actualize. 

I am so grateful that when I walked down the aisle, I knew exactly who I was marrying – his gifts, talents, flaws, and everything that drove me crazy. 

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, an incredibly important conversation with Spiritual Teacher and Retreat Leader Marianna Clarke on “The Secret to Living a Life You Love.” We share about how essential it is for women to be in community, to gather and stretch beyond our comfort zones to truly come home to ourselves.

I love you,