Love Letter: Do This for a Healthy Relationship (3/30/22)

The greatest gift around relationships (for me) was learning that I could actually learn how to do them well. 

That it wasn’t a “secret” other people knew that I didn’t. I could develop the skills to create something amazing. This is great news for us all! 

No matter what you’ve experienced so far, you can create change in your life. You can create the kind of relationship you want to experience and learn how to do so. 

Your midweek mantra is, “When I share my dreams, desires, feelings, and needs I am owning my space in the world.” ✨

So many people are afraid to tell the truth in their relationships because they are afraid to lose the relationship, but the thing is, there is no relationship if there’s no truth. 

We keep ourselves from having the depth of intimacy we crave when we refuse to reveal the truth of our hearts. 

We tell ourselves stories like “if they really loved me, they would…” or “my partner should just know what I need…” or “I can’t share my painful feelings with my partner…” and then wonder why our relationships go stale. 

Of course, it’s difficult work to become this vulnerable, this accountable, this aware. It also takes work to decide that you will take a stand for the kind of experience you crave and honor the truth of your partner, too. 

The best relationships are the ones in which this kind of conversation flows freely and the ones in which there is reciprocity, where people are both giving and receiving. 

If you’re single, ask yourself: 

How do I want to feel in my ideal relationship? 

What do I need in order to be happy and fulfilled relationally?

If you’re in a relationship, ask yourself: 

How direct have I been lately about what I need from my partner? 

Have I been responsive to my partner’s requests? 

Am I contributing to an environment of reciprocity?

Secure attachment is about being there for each other emotionally! 

It’s about responding to one another’s needs and dreams with care rather than contempt or annoyance. 

Healthy relationships ask us to believe in how worthy we are to receive what we need, and they ask us to give up our old stories of not having to put forth any effort to make a relationship great. 

This is a practice. Dating is a practice. Healing is a journey. 

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, “Are You Sabotaging Your Love Life?” Kate unpacks the five core sabotaging patterns that keep women experiencing the same patterns over and over again in dating and relationships, and how to break free from letting your patterns sabotage your true desires.

I love you,